♦ Author of the article Elena Alekseevna Semyonova — master of psychological sciences, practicing psychologist, teacher of psychology, art therapist.
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♦ Corrector/Editor — Victoria Kharlanchuk
You may have heard this phrase: «the character has gone bad». There are different opinions about character traits, for example, a strong belief that character defects begin to appear with age. Like, the older a person gets, the more disgusting and more complex his character is. But in fact, it is not necessary to wait for a certain age in order to track which particular traits and characteristics are more characteristic of each of us, and which ones should be worked on in order to improve the quality of life and relationships with others.
✅ Special attention is paid to character defects in anonymous help groups for addicts and co-dependents.
How to understand what is considered a defect of character, and what distinguishes a person as a “cherry on the cake”? or a catchy highlight?
Character defects include: self-centeredness, judgmentalism, procrastination, perfectionism, envy, lust, complacency and superiority, dishonesty, pettiness, fears, selfish behavior, prejudice, malevolence, pride, feelings of intolerance, judgment, greed, destructive self-pity, vulnerability, anxiety, resentment, guilt and remorse, laziness and much more.
Defects in our personality can manifest themselves in completely different ways. At the same time, taken to extremes, they are capable of causing damage to people close to us, and, of course, to ourselves. Defects are deeply rooted in our minds and attract a person to destructive emotions and devastating relationships.
In addition to character defects, there are also survival skills that enable a person to function in a particular family, in society, and close the need for approval, stability and security. These skills are essential and can become habitual ways of responding to stressful situations.
☑️ For example:
⦁ addictive behavior,
⦁ suppressing, holding back feelings, hoping to avoid conflict or quarrel.
A person often confuses love and pity, may be inclined to “love”; those whom he wants to save, and not be aware of this report. Habitual and ordinary human needs, passing through the “magnifying glass” idealism, perfectionism and hypersensitivity, and through the fear that needs will not be met, are transformed into character defects.
By looking at a specific defect, we can track which trait or combination of them is associated with.< /p>
Resistance – natural reaction of people. Especially when someone directly tries to point out some human defects. Most people have a hard time accepting their personality traits, admitting to themselves and others that they are not perfect. And this can lead to both excessive self-criticism and inadequate assessment of one's capabilities.
☑️ It is important to realize and accept the fact that each person always has something to work on, no one is perfect and this is normal. You need to work on your shortcomings — it is experience and growth.
There is little chance for an individual person to understand that resistance is a normal and natural reaction. To fully understand the pain and unacceptability, you need to see the reaction of other people to it.
Unity and mutual support are a powerful support for a person. Suppression and repression of memories of endless suffering and trauma causes pain.
It is important to learn how to take care of yourself and be sure to realize your potential. Especially at a conscious age, it is necessary to reduce the level of infantility, if possible, take responsibility for your life on yourself personally, and not shift it onto other people's shoulders. Look inside ourselves, find the origins of our feelings, emotions and come to an understanding of our own role in the occurrence of difficulties. Of course, not everything depends on one person, there are always external circumstances, but never belittle your influence on your own life.
Recognition of defects in one's character does not make a person weak or defective. It brings only one important discovery — we are living people. And living people can and should change — this is normal.
Speaking of defects, I will give an example of the roles and behaviors that a controlling person uses.
Among such manifestations may be:
⦁ Rescuer Behavior/Victim Behavior
⦁ Manipulation and juggling with facts
⦁ Bursts of rage
⦁ Intellectualization (an unconscious attempt to abstract from one's feelings. – ed. note)
Exaggeration of damages
⦁ Event Embellishment
⦁ Showing incompetence
⦁ Show superiority
⦁ Showing Confusion
⦁ Refusal to stop communicating
Is it possible to get rid of defects of character?
As previously said, a person is capable of changing and this is normal!
It will take a lot of acceptance, reflection, introspection, and as a result, “signing a truce” with survival skills. You will have to break habitual patterns of behavior, find other possible responses and behaviors for yourself, and destroy negative and such habitual attitudes and beliefs.
At first it may be difficult, but gradually you will get used to it, and new reactions will be brought to automaticity. Courage, readiness, hope and time can help with this.
Don't beat yourself up⚠️ Remember that it will not be possible to immediately and instantly change something that is so firmly rooted in each of us. And that in addition to character defects, each person, of course, also has virtues. We fill our own lives. And it depends on us what exactly it is filled with. Many circumstances do not depend on us, but our perception depends on us, and we can influence it.
Tracking the nature of their thoughts and actions, a person learns to distinguish how long it is necessary to make efforts, and when it is possible to let go of the situation and be happy with what we have.
We take responsibility for our behavior, for our perception, and we understand that some of its patterns were passed on to us by our loved ones, our environment, society. Something we accepted and applied as the only model after a traumatic and negative experience.
Many of the thoughts in the solution help us to better deal with problems.
It's also important to remember to talk to other people! Speak out your feelings and sensations, no one reads our thoughts, people tend to think out and transfer their experience to others. Speak! This helps in communication and helps to avoid misunderstandings and reticences.
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The article uses information from open sources, scientific publications and scientific reference books. The information provided on the site is for informational purposes only, do not self-medicate and self-diagnose.
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